Monday, June 1, 2009

It is what it is.

The great thing about growing older is that I keep learning more & more about myself. In retrospect, I enjoy my own company & trust my instincts, tastes & feelings, far more than I did when I was a teenager.

The last year has been tremendous for me; most already know the emotional obstacles I struggled with (ha, I used to blog ONLY about missing my ex, his daughter, feeling cold as an ice pick), the miscarriage that still haunts me, some of the family issues (My parents are actually separating right now) etc...
It is actually the bad times I am grateful for, because without them, I wouldn't have become who I am today. I'm proud to look back at my emotional state only a couple months ago, & compare the strength/confidence I have nurtured since...
This year has been truly amazing. I really came out of my shell; I feel fulfilled with my studies, my job, my writing, my family & friends. When I look in the mirror, I like what I see.
  • I'm glad I chopped my hair off in November (Same day as the break up... New beginnings.)
  • I have finally figured out what make up/clothes look good on me, what I want VS what I need.
  • I hit the gym, stopped pigging out & I feel in control of my weight (I used to have issues with that all through high school, my eating habits were border line eating disorder. But I'm good now, it's such a RELIEF!)
  • I learned how to sew!
  • I survived Heartbreak! As corny as this sounds, when my X & me broke up, life was absolutely dull & cold for months that followed. I was afraid I'd never get back to who i was prior, but here I am; glued back together, better than ever :-)
  • I took acting classes & I'm currently in 2 plays (Based on True feelings & A Raisin in the sun)
  • I took a writing workshop, got my first short story (Tangerine) published, & I have been writing & writing & writing...
  • I got closer to my siblings & parents. I love it.
  • I've been working on my B.a in liberal arts.
  • I went to Poland, Paris, New Jersey & New york; Traveling does wonder for your personal growth.
  • I met new, amazing, positive people (in real life & in the blogosphere)
  • I started blogging!!!

Most importantly, I accept myself, even in my most embarrassing, flaw filled moments. I snack on cheese in the wee hours of the morning, shop in the men's dept, have an addiction to Caffeine, Have read all the books in the Twilight Saga (yeah, I want to date a vampire, so what?) & my favorite movie of all times is 'Dirty Dancing.' It is what it is, I am who I am; & This is what I look like in the morning.


Akirah said...

First, your hair is adorable. Second it seems like pain has been a catalyst for great growth in your life. That's reassuring. Blessings to you as you navigate this painful, yet incredibly beautiful thing we call life.

~EssenseVibez~ said...

good morning beauty--i'm so sorry you'vve gone through so much pain in your young life--i say young because i'm way older than you (smiles)--i wish i was in your life when you were going through this--but i know God sent the right people to you during those times--just know that through pain, JOY cometh in the morning and God just keeps on blessing you--i'm going to keep you in prayer---for healing and understanding--you have the gift of writing and in your writings there is healing--so refelct on your words in times when you are feeling low and need a lift--and dont forget, God is in control!---luv you huneyface!---remain blessed!!!

tangerine: said...

aw you're so inspiring. i'm turning twenty this weekend and i couldn't be happier because i think this is going to be a life changing year.

i really admire the fact that you've overcome so much. you're absolutely stunning and while reading older entries in your blog, and the most recent ones, i can see that you've grown. i think you're inspiring me to find strength within myself, and maybe take a few morning/bedhead pictures myself. i stay away from cameras/no makeup out of fear, and at times i still cover my lady bits when i get out of the shower so lover doesn't see :[ hahaha, i'm so shy at times. i've got a LOT to work on in my new apartment. i think this is the beginning for a lot of growth to continue in both of our lives.

sigh, why on earth do you live so far away? i would love to have someone like you in my life right now.

Passion Fruit said...

You look lovely in the morning!

I was in this incredibly toxic relationship for 4 years...yes...a mighty long time to not have sense and right before it ended, I cut off my hair too. Left it all natural and his reaction horror. Well, I think that helped me see the light; what I loved about me, he didn't, why I loved me; he couldn't see. It's been two years and I swear I haven't known peace like this.

I want to try the sewing thing sister did and is really good at it...I just need to start. All the cool girls sew:]

My parents broke up when I was 15...I went to my father's girlfriend's 60th birthday party on Sunday. Came home and commented to my mother that I was born into a dysfunctional family. It's the stuff drama is made of.

Another similarity I see is that I finally went back to uni to finish my final year. I have like 3 semesters left to get my B.A in Literatures in English. And I still don't have a clue what I want to do with myself.

I took a step out of myself in 2008/09 as well but not enoughto say I tried new things. You've inspired me and I'm really thrilled you're soaring like this!


Lion-ess said...

really cool post!! The bad times are what shape us the most! Reason why I started blogging as well.

Is London next on ur list of cities to visit?

I want to go to a creative writing class but I don't know where to start.

You've progressed a lot... Blessings!!

Kathleen Argonza said...

Not much I can add after everyone else's comments, but I just thought I'd tell you that all your pictures remind me of Fefe Dobson (it's a good thing).

I've read all the books in the Twilight saga too... i don't agree with ll the perspectives in it. I happen to think that Bella is too weak for me to ever care about - but check out those cullen boys. I think ive got a crush on the dark, haunted Jasper. Dark, haunted little fighter... not to mention that he's an Army veteran? Meow.

Lion-ess said...

I read all the books in the Twilight saga in a week. I read Twilight and New Moon twice!

A friend of a friend is moving back to Iceland and so is selling all her stuff on Saturday...I've heard that she has a huge vampire book collection.. so I invited myself to her sale. She's even writing a vampire novel.

Mista Jaycee said...

I'm just stopping by but I will be back. That said, I am glad you chose to keep it pushin as far as the hard times. PS
The Short Doo looks good!

Unbreakable said...

Great just great, many times we as humans dwell on the bad times so much we never get over them, I am so happy that you have flipped your sad times into positive motivations that you have learned from. I believe there are obstacles in each and every one’s lives, its just up to us either use them to make us stronger or allow them to brake us down, you have used them to make you stronger and that’s just great.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm so very proud of you. You've come far and although I don't know you that well, I feel like you're another that lives far away. Keep on being and doing you. You matter most and that means being happy even when that means someone else isn't.

I can see a lot of growth has taken place in your life. I'm sure that it will only continue for you.

Hit tangerine and I up when you head out this direction.

Nana said...

Thx you all for your encouraging comments! so much has been said, I am amazed & overwhelmed! I recently received an e-mail from a friend, it was a year in review of everything that has happened in his life & how he overcame it. It gave me a better idea of who he was as a person, & I wanted to do something similar. Thx you all (again) for reading my blog & making my life richer by sharing yourselves through your own blogs.