Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Column 3: The Head & the Heart

My heart & my head had been debating over this for the past few months.
There had been low blows; Heart kept reminding Head that relationships weren’t built over night, in order to build a strong foundation, we had to deal with ups & downs.
Head replied; if my X really loved us, then why couldn’t he compromise as much as we did? Head said that his words were only letters threaded with promise & uncertainty.
To support its claim, Head reminded Heart that he would say one thing & do another. Heart retorted that he meant well, he had big dreams that included us.
Although both had valuable points, my decision was based on their personality traits;
Heart induces hope when all is lost & courage when you need it most. It can blind. It can make your ears lose hearing. It can make every particle of your skin, cry and beg for the one whose voice makes it beat faster.
Head is cold & calculating. It disregards emotions & only sees the end result. It ignores anguish & pain. Head doesn’t comprehend that sometimes winning is really losing; sometimes, we will settle for misery if it means keeping our loved ones near.
Well, today, Head is victorious & emotions have surrendered to reason
What I miss most is not the waking hours. Too many times, they were filled with loneliness & disappointment. I long for the nights. Not just the love making. I miss when He would wake up, hold me tight like if I was his second skin, & whisper: ‘I love you, ma. I love you.’ Of course, I miss the pillow talk; when we would make plans for the future with the same carelessness & conviction, one would make a grocery list.
He was a cuddler. All night, his arms were around me. He would mumble sweetly, kiss me, & caress me. It hurts letting go when you love someone.
Sometimes, we must think about the bigger picture. As Naya told me ‘You can’t give him more than what you have but he can take more than what he gives.’
Love shouldn’t drain you nor’ hurt you, it should revive, strengthen & inspire. What is a miserable month or two, if happiness & freedom follow?

2 comments:

Tout de Noir said...

All of your columns speak the truth with such eloquence that it leaves me speechless. Thank you for having the courage to share such personal experiences, which most of us women can relate to all too well. You are a writer in the purest sense of the word, lending your voice to spread the word on things that really matter. No need to chase after Love, Love will come to you. All in good time, hun. In the meantime, keep writing the captivating, enthralling story of your life. I, for one, am always in need of such important reminders. Stay beautiful and continue to inspire with your wisdom.
Muaah!

Katia

Retromus-ik said...

I really like this NaNa, its raw and beautifully written! As I've told you many times, you always inspire me to write!
Keep it up!

Mama.