Thursday, June 4, 2009

I'm not in love. It's just some thing I'm going through.

P.S Post's title is an R&B song by Mary J. Blige.


Oddly enough, I haven't written about the dates I have been on, nor' the men that had passed through my life these past few months of 'singledom'. I believe this is because this blog & its readers evoke a 'meet the parents' moment.
You don't bring every man home & in similar fashion, I decided to abstain from this subject until I met someone that I would (gulp) catch feelings for. The past few months have been a playground; I met new men but I rarely felt anything but genuine friendship. This is OBVIOUSLY because I was enjoying being by myself, waking up free from any emotional obligations & still dealing with my feelings for my X.

During this time, I've met...


  • The Judo player, who introduced me to great red wine & taught me how to make 'real' Sicilian pasta sauce. I admired him because he had lived all over Africa & had the ability (that I lack) to drop everything on a whim & relocate to a new city (one that he's never visited) on the basis of hearsay. In similar manner, he recently moved to California. Why? Because he wanted to be near the sea.

  • The Jamaican graphic artist. I'm not one to scream when I argue, but this one brought the unreasonable/bitchy side of me, to which I NEVER want to return to.

  • The Cancer, as in his zodiac sign; sensitive, funny, my twin. We had many conversations that lasted hours on end. He is/was a great companion. Problem is/was his instability. it's weird, as both him & the Judo Player had deep mood swings, in which they'd cut themselves from the rest of the world for weeks, then come back literally...Manic; overjoyed with life, positive.

  • The Diplomat. I met him through a friend & only in the Internet realm. For about a month & a half, we e-mailed 1-2 a day. He is one of those amazing people that you keep in contact forever & ever. He is currently residing in Cairo (he is graduating this month) & pursuing his master in London in the Fall. We will (hopefully) meet in Paris, this summer.

So. The reason why I'm bringing this up right now is because I am possibly...well...I think...I like someone & He's a very genuine, amazing person. I'm not sure where it will go, but I think if he still wants me (as I possibly messed it up with my stupidity) I think I am ready to start fresh & take baby steps towards something like...a relationship? Pheww. I've said it. This word has been a bit taboo for me lately, mainly because of fear but also because being single has allowed me to focus on me, me, me. So. This is a 'To be continued.'


Oh, & I've recently had a polite, respectful & simple (thank God) conversation with the X. I didn't feel sparks, regret, nostalgia...

We broke up November 7th, it took nearly 7 months but the worst has passed.

12 comments:

Lion-ess said...

I able the men that pass throug my life similar... The Ram (he's Aries), the loner, the crush, the tyger (who i'm with now) etc..

So you feel free now that you've admitted that yo're ready? Really great experience ahead.

It took like 2 yrs to get over the shit I went through with my X. Can't remember what I call him... well he has many names depending on the memory that pops up.

Here's to a new and fulfilling relationship with no drama!

Lion-ess said...

that time is good for me... so only bread and water.. cool! I can do that.

Natalie said...

Slowly does it. Wishing you all the best.xx

Kat Argonza | Tough Girl 101 said...

Good for you! It's good to find someone. I think that pre-relationship glow is easily the best part of everything.

Sumit said...

Good luck, and I hope you find the *right* chap.:)

Retromus-ik said...

Well, Well, Well, I must say I'm surprised. Not.;) Goodluck!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm excited for you. You know when it's the right time and when it seems like the right one. I hope he is Mr. Right.

Good moving on.

Passion Fruit said...

Ooohh...the liking thing feels good!

One step at a time and embrace it :]

-bri

Nana said...

Hey you guys, thx you all for the encouragement! Yup, I'll taje it easy, easy, easy. We're talking about it right now. What worries me is that I tend to lose myself in my lovers, like I become who they want me to be, & not who I truly am. I'm grateful I realise it though, therefore, I can keep it from happening this time :-)

tangerine: said...

honey i dont have your email address, but we just got our internet connected at the new apartment just a few hours ago, and i checked my email and saw my present! that's so sweet of you. you are simply the bees knees. now i get to be pleasantly overwhelmed by what to choose to buy! amazon has such amazing things.

a million times, thank you. you've put a steady smile on my face. thank you for thinking of me on my birthday, you're a doll. you must tell me when your birthday is, because i just might have to send you something myself ;]

Paris said...

Nana...I so wish you the best with this special someone. Everyone deserves to be loved and genuinely. I am experiencing it for the first time in my life and it is wonderful. Not sure where things will go or end up, but I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying whilst it is here.

Take care and looking forward to seeing your art this coming Tuesday on the INCH by INCH Art show! =)

Beth Jaffe thequeenofcups said...

I've been married for eightish years now. I do so miss the days of men passing through my life! It's no wonder I'm a shameless flirt, though fiercely in love with my husband, still.