Saturday, December 5, 2009

This was then.

I just came back from a dinner with my Raisin in the Sun castmates. Initially, the dinner was meant as an informal 'see you again, so lovely to have worked, sweated and breathed acting together', after four hours, endless cheerful chatter and an amazing meal (I had lamb, sweet potato mash and cheesecake, with lots of quality red wine), it was decided we would give our play a second run in March. This was partially due to the huge success of our collective performances (three sold out shows!) as well as the overwhelming responses that keep on pouring our way...
The cast is like family, now. We have spend so much time together over the past few months; if people think that acting is hiding behind a mask, or an interpretation of somebody else's experience, they are sorely mistaken. Acting is being naked, lying out your insecurities, your inadequacy and pushing yourself until you get better and better. It is hard, emotional work.
Most importantly, it is team work. There was a scene in the play that was so heart wrenching, I cried every time I performed it, even when rehearsing. When I looked at my fellow actors, I was amazed that we were all in that emotional state. It seemed that, for a little while, the stage disintegrated and we were so subdued by our characters, our true selves having melted away.
An encore is something to be happy about, yet I feel on the verge of tears today. It seems that the men I attract all have ill intentions. Guess what? I am more than legs to spread apart, a body to conquer. I might not show my vulnerability, but it does hurt when the minute I allow a man to have as little as a conversation or a dinner date, he hurls lies my way. I hate dishonesty; I don't understand why so many men cannot be content with the woman they have chosen as their partner, instead of building a relationship or leaving it, they chose polygamy.
I haven't actively searched for a relationship in awhile, I go about my business, then meet somebody that goes out of his way to grab my attention. I am so disgusted about love, men, relationships. I can't believe I ever held these things, so dear, so precious. This was then, now, I am tired and done. They can all go to Hell; I will be perpetually single.

OOn a more positive note; I made chocolate truffles for my castmates. I am posting some pictures (from my Iphone as my camera charger is currently missing in action), I'll add the recipe at a later time.... They were delicious, by the way :-)


Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I know how heart wrenching it must be for you to find out that some of the guys that you are willing to give a part of yourself to are only out for themselves. You are beautiful and worth more than guys like that!

I'm excited for you and the cast of Raisin in the Sun. My only wish is that you would end up out here in California! I'd be front row and center.

The truffles look like they are to die for.

latree said...

i, can't be that strong.

mm... the chocs look delicious :)

Billie K. said...

hey baby!!! you are definite competiton for all the Fauchons of Paris. Those truffle sure look the ish! mmmmm send some over to me for christmas. Special order! Miam!


Americanising Desi said...

you gave me a craving which nothing in the world can satisfy now!

~EssenseVibez~ said...

hey babygurl---sorry i've been away--i miss you much--send me your pictures!---love ya!