It's 2am in the morning. I slept a disgusting 12 hours today; then, I woke up, rushed in the shower and got ready for work. The good thing about the fast is the amount of time I usually spend on eating/ making food is now time that can be allocated to other activities (i.e thinking about baby back ribs, butter chicken or planning the dinner I will have when all this is through...)
I've decided to cut the bread from my diet and replace it by two (tiny) bowls of oatmeal and milk. My reasons are simple; it will be more gentle to digest, eating bread when I am hungry feels like cheating. Oatmeal will give me somewhat of a nutritional intake, at least, keep me going for the five following days.
I've been having headaches; apparently, it's The hunger.
Today was such a gorgeous, sunny day; I was walking and had a craving for a smoothie, frozen yogurt or ice cappuccino. Instead, I sipped on my water.
Food makes life beautiful; it de-stresses, sends you good vibes. A good meal is better than sex, I am starting to believe. After work, I wished I could just go to an Indian restaurant; sip on Chai, order some Vandalu or butter chicken, gorge on Basmati rice and Naan bread. Five more days....
Honestly, you can't realize how much 'food' has a hold on you until you try to break away from it. How much of your day is spent thinking/planning to eat, cook etc... How much of life's pleasures begin with a filling breakfast or a savoury supper, how much a dessert can uplift your spirits.
Am I feeling calmer, more serene? Is my mind calmer, my thoughts deeper? Am I connecting with my creative side, orchestrating literary master pieces? Do I understand how it feels to wake up with an empty stomach, like billions of the world's population?
No. not yet.
I have little patience, I'm craving food (although this is getting slightly less oppressive), I am over thinking, I can't wait until I can eat something.
What's odd; I feel like I am invincible. Reality seems like a conceived notion, rather than the truth. I feel like I don't need to eat, like food and survival are only mythological twins. These past two days, I've been craving for it , yes, but mostly as a pleasure; to indulge in the chewing, smelling, swallowing, tasting. I feel like I can live without. I like that my body feels like I'm floating on a cloud, how sharp my collarbones look in the mirror, even the knowledge that I'm giving my digestive system a well deserved rest, is a small triumph.
The hunger makes you want to be busy and motivates you to push harder in other areas of your life. I've taken overtime at work (I decided this summer, I will get all my finances back in shape and pay off my debts, build a cash nest and go to Europe in September), decided on pursuing a Master after my B.A, I've been writing and I've been checking out some of Katsushika Hokusi's artwork (I decided I need to brush up on my art knowledge), Also, I've called the guy that's been creating insecurity & sadness in my life and asked to pick up some stuff I left at his apartment (I've decided that since I'm being ambitious and demanding in other aspects of my life, I should apply the same thinking in my love life; settle only for what's best)
Finally, money is also on spotlight. I care less for it, therefore, I spend less of it. On average, I can spend 100-150$ on food, weekly. I have coffee, tea, lattes a couple times a day, I go out to restaurants with friends quite often, I buy my lunch at work etc... It's outrageous how much goes towards satisfying my emotional relation with food.
So, I have entered day Three *Drum roll*