The Artist has his easel and brush; I have my fingers, furtive on the cases of a laptop or running an eager pen on a piece of parchment. To this day, a blank sheet and dark ink remain my image of freedom.
I finished watching Slumdog Millionaire not too long ago. If any of you haven’t seen it yet (Go see it!) I will summarize the main idea of the story; some live by money, others by Love. Jamel is in love with Latika, you see them from a young age (about 6-7) finding their way after their parents were murdered. They get separated yet Jamel cannot forget the little girl in the yellow dress. He searches for her throughout the years; he finds her on numerous occasions but circumstances keep them apart. Love prevails, & the last scene (shot beautifully); the gorgeous Latika, draped in a Sunflower colored chale, they are finally reunited. Jamel is a hopeless idealist, his brother and him were forced to make a living since they were yay-high & so has Latika. When Jamel finds Latika in adulthood, he sees she is the girlfriend of a notorious gangster. She is kept as a slave, it is hinted she is abused as well. But, she is there for survival; she grew up as an orphan & this is her way for shelter & food. Jamel proposes to run away. Latika protests; ‘What will we live off of?’ she asks, Jamel says; ‘Love.’ His face is honest, so innocent despite his hard life, Love story like these, I believed most of my life. I always felt like there was a soulmate (or many) for everyone on earth, but it is only by finding yourself, that you will be ‘directed’ to your other half... Silly, right? So, in good nature and because that’s how I am, I was honest, & open, with people on my life. When I strayed from these principles, I assumed them, and God knows they were honest mistakes. I mention this because, there has been some people that have been trying to come back in my life after they’ve deceived me. I can’t say they caused me great grief but the trust(or benefit of the doubt) is no longer there. I believe I mentioned before that I’m a person who solely forgives. It is my greatest challenge. When someone has breached my trust, it takes a lot to gain it back. I say this, because, somehow, someway, I know there is that seed of forgiveness deep inside me. I have never trusted someone (again) that lost my initial trust. Never. I still hold a grudge against this Jamaican girl in high school who spread rumours about me and threatened to beat me up, just because she was jealous her best guy friend liked me. I still can’t stand this big headed guy, who on my prom night, started a fight with me because of a misunderstanding (that didn’t concern him, by the way). All this to say, that I wish that love, trust, respect, still had a meaning to people, like they did to the fictional character of Jamal. I wish that men would see the light in women, in such a way, that they would do go through hell and back, for their loved one. But, it’s not like that. Deceit is always lurking around the corner.
I still believe in soulmates, in the possibility of eternal love, happiness & trust. I still foresee that kind of relationship for myself, one of these days. It will not be soon, perhaps... I think it will come, unexpected but welcome, & when it does, I will have met my potential as a woman, friend, daughter... Therefore I won't be scared, confused or uncertain, I will embrace it. I will live off Love.