Saturday, June 13, 2009


Yesterday, I got the shock of my life: D. is getting married? D.? The 'I got a new woman, every day of the week' D.?
Perhaps, I am exaggerating; He didn't switch women every day, but damn....D.?

I had a crush on him, since I was 14 years old, my infatuation ended 4 years later. I met him at a BBQ; he had little black curls, a smooth brown complexion & a charming smile. He introduced himself, I nearly choked on my BBQ chicken & promised myself, that someday we were going to be a couple. The obstacle (at the time & all the way throughout) was that he had a gf & I had a bf. As well, the 3 years between us bothered him. He deemed me too 'young'.

I started attending the same church. He would play drums during the gospel bit & I would always look forward to seeing him & speaking to him. When I turned 16, I started letting out my hair, wearing an Afro & donning the occasional dress. He noticed & so did most of the boys in the congregation. At the time, he was still with the same girl. There were always some other girls, hanging around him, batting their eyes & flirting.
I think it was his smile, the way he looked into your eyes when he spoke to you, undaunted, cool as ice. D. was charming & he was good looking...

Since I met him at 14, attended the same church, our parents were friends, he classified me in the 'little sister' file. Sometimes, he'd joke about us getting married one day & I would smile, roll my eyes, pretend I didn't want to, whilst my heart raced & fireworks exploded in my head.

When I was 19, he attended the University next to my house.

Some nights, he would park his car in the side street, call me & I would slide into the passenger seat & we would talk. I remember a time when he was immensely stressed; problems at home, with the girlfriend, financial burdens & a dumb mistake (he got a car for a friend, under his name) that was crippling his credit.

I sat listening, trying to comfort him. He rested his head back in the seat, closed his eyes. I was rubbing his forehead. When someone feels stress around me, I'm like a sponge. Their problem becomes mine & my thoughts are rushing as I try to figure out a resolution.

That night in his car, could have went in a different direction. After all, I wasn't a little girl anymore, the age gap slowly closes as you advance in life. I was finishing college, I was working, I've had my share of men by that time. Here was D. & me, in this small space, he was telling me his problems, getting comforted by my attempts at 'solving' the issues.

I wasn't 14 anymore & I had a realistic view of what being with D. could mean. Yes, he was gorgeous, funny, smart. He knew what to do, what to say. I was attracted to him & I knew this was reciprocated. But... I had somebody & so did he.

It was funny, I remember him (or me?) making a comment about that: 'When you're single, I'm taken, & when you're taken, I'm single.'

This time, we both had that 'special someone'.

I left the car, that night. We hung out on some occasions afterwards, But our lives haven't crossed much these past two years. I saw him in the metro, a couple months ago, I was sick as a dog. He was coming up the electric stairs, I was going down. Turned out that he moved into the neighborhood, we were 'neighbours'. A couple weeks ago, my father came home 'D. gave me a ride home, he told me to say hello to you.'

Just like that.

Yesterday, when I found out D. was getting married, after the shock, came the imminent realization; 'We're getting old, aren't we? Life is adult now, we have shed the cloaks of childhood.'
I called our friend, J-E. Our conversation went something like this:

ME: D. is getting married? Is this a joke? Come on, J.E, this isn't serious, right?
J-E: Yeah, he's getting married.
ME: How can he do this to me?! I was supposed to be the first one?! I cant believe it! How can he do this?
J-E: You wanted to marry him?
ME: (silence) NOOOOO!!! I just wanted to be the first one to get married!
J-E: Well, do you expect him to wait around, until you decide to marry? What if you get married at 25? Is he supposed to just, wait?
ME: What is a few years wait, if you have the rest of your life ahead of you? Is she pregnant?
J-E: Why is everyone asking the same questions?!
ME: It's D.! I thought he was going to the be the last one to get married, damn. Who is she?
J-E: She's mixed. You know, she looks just like you. She's your age too.
ME: She looks like me? Ok, whatever.

After I stopped scheming on how I can still be the first one to get married (the marriage is July 18th), I calmed down & realized that I didn't even want to get hitched at this time, & I won't anytime soon. Honestly, I am not sure if I ever will. In my opinion, my love towards someone doesn't require our signatures on a legally binding document.

What really bothered me was that D. would be officially out of the market. This is where our story ended & there would be no run-ins at parties, where we would flirt, his hand on the small of my back. The lingering 'possibility' would be erased & my teenage crush would only re-ignite in memory lane. Perhaps, at the back of my head, I always imagined that D. & me would marry; there's something so safe about falling in love with someone you've 'grown' up with.

D. is getting married. It is what it is...

And here is the rest of it.


Natalie said...

Oh, that is sad. I know I should be congratulating him, but I felt let down for you, for some reason.

Like you said though, it is what it is, and he has made many decisions to lead him to this place in his life.

That was a wonderfully written post, Nana.Very poignant.xx♥

Akirah said...

Maybe it's something in the water. I just got back from a wedding.

I sat at a table with four girlfriends from college. Two were married, one engaged, the other single. The engaged, married ones were comparing rings...which was so hard for my boyfriend talked to the other guys like it was nothing.

I wanted to get married first too! But I won't. And at this rate, I won't be having kids first either. I guess I just want to stick a way that causes others to kinda envy me. Isn't that awful?

Lion-ess said...

yep we are getting old.. I just got back home from hanging out with my girlfriends.. one of them just got married, one is engaged... crazy!! These are the times I realise that I'm no longer a teenager.

It's a bit sad when a door is closed... my ex is engaged as well after dating some girl for 8 mnths... crazy how we went out for 4 yrs and has been broken up and apart for 4 yrs. where have the time gone?

This is a very reflective post!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

It really is a big thing. I remember when my twin sister got married before I did. I was upset. I thought I was going to get married before she did. After all, I had met my guy and we had been talking about marriage longer than they had but they beat us to it. It just didn't seem right. I got over it though.

It's realizing that the timing for them is not the same as the timing for you. When your time comes, you will know it without a doubt.

Retromus-ik said...

Beautifully written post Nana. Very captivating from start to finish. I too find ending up with someone you grew up with quite cute and romantic like Cory and Topanga;) The only person I know that got married from my highschool friends (at 19) dropped off the face of the earth, really! I feel as if time is passing super fast and that I'm getting older, but not 'cause the peeping around me are jumping the broom [no one I know is;)] Out of you, naya, felix and I, I did think you would be the first to marry...Who knows!

Sunshinelovespeace said...

Very well written! (Thanks for stopping by)

I am the first to get married and trust me it's overrated! When you're the first to do it and everyone else is single, it's kinda weird. No one understands what you are going through and people doubt you all the time. So be thankful D is doing it first. Let him take the slack!


Unbreakable said...

Congrats to D, the man has finally step up, well i am looking at the positive. it could have been or should have been you i know sorry it did not work out that way, Life had a way of changing right? Don't worry too much about it, you will get marry one day too..

Enchantress said...

WOW...I totally understand your reaction to the news. Things that make you go hmmmm...

Nana said...

A lot has been said;
@Nat: I guess I'm being selfish. It's just... nostalgia mixed with the 'coulda, woulda, shoulda' element.
@Akirah: I get you girl. It's not awful, it's human nature :-)
@Lion-ess: 4 years with someone... was there a ring involved? Because if one of my exes gave a ring to a girl they've been dating for 8mths, I'd be writing another rant
@Simone: I know you're right. Sometimes, Patience isn't my forte. I need to apply myself in that department.
@Retro: Do you think corey & Topanga would have been divorced by now?! ok, I really have to stop hating. They were cute, but you know who I wanted to be down with??? SEAN!!! oh man, He is/was such a cutie. & he liked black girls, remember Angela & him? @Sunshine: A new perspective. It makes sense, my girlfriend was the first to have a baby & her 'friends' disapeared on her. They didn't share the same lifestyle anymore. They didn't want to hang out with her &&& baby.
@Unbreakable: Are you proposing?lol.
@Enchantress: It's really evil, but I hope it gets cancelled. sometimes, but then I feel bad & selfish & know that my Karma is going to be f*cked up if I keep thinking that.